As an HSP, I find it difficult to truly communicate to people what I need. Like I've said before, a lot of people don't understand what it's like to be an HSP if they are a non-HSP, so they obviously don't know how to interact with us. Many non-HSPs don't really have a sense of empathy for the things the HSPs in their lives need.
That being said, my personal experience with this subject goes something like this: I tell people what I need or want and they brush it off or forget about it, or disregard it completely. Some people in my life have adjusted to this while others have not. It's really frustrating and while I don't want to be forceful, I want to be able to express what's frustrating me without fear of the backlash. I hate conflict to no end and avoid it at all costs. I don't want to inconvenience people and that's where my problem lies.
The best example of this is talking on the phone. I hate talking on the phone. I don't understand why people don't get this. I'm all for compromising the way I communicate with people. I like email (although I'm a bit shoddy at that too, but for different reasons) and am totally willing to talk to people like that. I like email because it presents me a way to reflect on the things I've written and how it will sound to the person who is reading it. I also like texting a lot because it does the same thing. To put this in perspective, I don't even talk to my own boyfriend on the phone, and we're having a long distance relationship. I just hate it. I feel awkward and am always scared I'm gonna say something stupid or there are going to be awkward silences. I also am rarely in a mindset when I feel like chatting with people. I screen calls a lot, and generally call people back when I am in a good and proper mood to talk, which can sometimes take a while (although sometimes I do just get busy and forget or whatever). I find that if I am the one doing the calling, I can put myself (or at least try) into a better chatting/entertaining mood, which makes talking on the phone a lot less anxiety-ridden...and therefore more apt to have a good conversation.
I am fully aware that this makes me sound like a selfish asshole, but I'm just telling it like it is.
I understand that my friends or whatever want to keep in touch with me and talk to me, but it's another thing entirely to disregard my wishes in an attempt to "fix" me. This is something else I've discussed with a few people recently, and after some internal debate about it I think I am a bit salty on the subject.
I am not a project. You can't fix me by "pushing" my boundaries. I am who I am, and I am perfectly okay with that. To suggest that my social anxieties are a product of severe OCD, rather than hyper sensitivity is rude. To suggest that I can be "fixed" by any sort of therapy or exposure is also suggesting that there is something wrong with me to begin with. There is nothing wrong with me. This is who I am, there's a reason for it, and I'm okay with it. Sometimes it feels overwhelming and maddening, but when it comes down to it I appreciate the way I am. I am claiming this as my identity, and if you don't like it, then don't be my friend. Sure there are some obstacles that inconvenience you (and me), and for that I am very sorry. But this is me. I'm sick of apologizing for what I can't help and I definitely don't want to be changed or fixed up without my consent.
I intended this blog to be more discussion based but it definitely didn't go that way. I hate conflict, and I feel like this is the only place I can voice my anger without being afraid of hurting someone's feelings.
That being said, my personal experience with this subject goes something like this: I tell people what I need or want and they brush it off or forget about it, or disregard it completely. Some people in my life have adjusted to this while others have not. It's really frustrating and while I don't want to be forceful, I want to be able to express what's frustrating me without fear of the backlash. I hate conflict to no end and avoid it at all costs. I don't want to inconvenience people and that's where my problem lies.
The best example of this is talking on the phone. I hate talking on the phone. I don't understand why people don't get this. I'm all for compromising the way I communicate with people. I like email (although I'm a bit shoddy at that too, but for different reasons) and am totally willing to talk to people like that. I like email because it presents me a way to reflect on the things I've written and how it will sound to the person who is reading it. I also like texting a lot because it does the same thing. To put this in perspective, I don't even talk to my own boyfriend on the phone, and we're having a long distance relationship. I just hate it. I feel awkward and am always scared I'm gonna say something stupid or there are going to be awkward silences. I also am rarely in a mindset when I feel like chatting with people. I screen calls a lot, and generally call people back when I am in a good and proper mood to talk, which can sometimes take a while (although sometimes I do just get busy and forget or whatever). I find that if I am the one doing the calling, I can put myself (or at least try) into a better chatting/entertaining mood, which makes talking on the phone a lot less anxiety-ridden...and therefore more apt to have a good conversation.
I am fully aware that this makes me sound like a selfish asshole, but I'm just telling it like it is.
I understand that my friends or whatever want to keep in touch with me and talk to me, but it's another thing entirely to disregard my wishes in an attempt to "fix" me. This is something else I've discussed with a few people recently, and after some internal debate about it I think I am a bit salty on the subject.
I am not a project. You can't fix me by "pushing" my boundaries. I am who I am, and I am perfectly okay with that. To suggest that my social anxieties are a product of severe OCD, rather than hyper sensitivity is rude. To suggest that I can be "fixed" by any sort of therapy or exposure is also suggesting that there is something wrong with me to begin with. There is nothing wrong with me. This is who I am, there's a reason for it, and I'm okay with it. Sometimes it feels overwhelming and maddening, but when it comes down to it I appreciate the way I am. I am claiming this as my identity, and if you don't like it, then don't be my friend. Sure there are some obstacles that inconvenience you (and me), and for that I am very sorry. But this is me. I'm sick of apologizing for what I can't help and I definitely don't want to be changed or fixed up without my consent.
I intended this blog to be more discussion based but it definitely didn't go that way. I hate conflict, and I feel like this is the only place I can voice my anger without being afraid of hurting someone's feelings.
We seem to be going through the same crap at the same time. We're at two different places though. I haven't come to appreciate being an HSP yet. Its a lot of work trying to ignore other people's thoughts and every time I try to explain it to them, they look at me like I'm crazy. Thanks for posting.... I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true;people do not want to understand no matter how much you tell them,ive lost relationships over this,;;;this is not a curse its a gift of a higher vibration which people do notice but they like to abuse it not nurture it
DeleteThis is almost like what I have experienced too. It indeed is really frustrating when people who matter the most don't even make any efforts to understand how you feel.
ReplyDelete